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The true story of the Bird and Bull…

 

 

 

By: Motormensch

My family owns some of the largest wrecking yards in Sun Valley, California. The wrecking yards have been there for many years and they are the most recognizable yards in the world. Among the thousands of cars there to be picked clean, my uncle (owner of the wrecking yards) loved unusual spectacles to lure customers. Huge cannons, odd military vehicles, a 50 foot ghetto-blaster, monster trucks hoisted 40 feet in the air, massive arches from a defunct 1950’s car wash – anything for attention. 

Seriously, he was the PT Barnum of junk! 

One of the more unique displays he had were two bulls. Bulls I said – Brahma Bulls… Remember “Blazing Saddles” and the enormous bull Mongo rode? Yup, he had two of them locked in a pen in the middle of one of the wrecking yards. They were well taken care of and essentially ate and pooped all day long. The funny part: people would watch these things for hours!

His ploy worked.

Then, one day, (the mid 1990s) one of these massive creatures died. This was something he was not exactly prepared for. In true entrepreneurial fashion, he made the most out of the situation and told his right hand man (another uncle of mine) to find someone to STUFF the bull. That’s right – he wanted him to find a taxidermist.

After a quick flip through the yellow pages, a suitable (read: cheap/easy to find) specialist in the field of gutting and stuffing animals was located. My uncle made a quick cell-phone to cell-phone call to the taxidermist and was surprised at how cheap stuffing a bull was. He moved quickly and tasked one of his flatbed drivers with removal and transport of the enormous carcass. By this time, the bull had been dead for nearly a day.

Several hours later, my uncle got a car from the most pissed-off, dumbfounded taxidermist you’ve ever heard.

As you might imagine, there was a series of events and circumstances that led up to a major misunderstanding:  

• In the mid 90’s, cell phones had poor reception and bad sound quality (especially cell-phone to cell-phone). Words like “bull” can sound like other one syllable words like “bird.”
• It took time to get the information together. Rigor mortis set in and the 2000 lbs Brahma Bull stiffened up like iron. Remember the dead horse in the Dean’s office in “Animal House?” Yup, just like that. 
• Did I mention this happened in hot, muggy, humid Southern California – in summer? Do you know what happens to a carcass in heat and humidity? Think of a huge, expanding, smelly ball of week old, maggot infested, festering meat and you’re on the right track.
• We only had flatbed style tow trucks that had the capability to move this thing. The driver had to loop a cable around the bull’s front hooves and pull it aboard. He began praying to Santa Maria and crossed himself several times as he donned a handkerchief over his nose to block some of the stench.
• Working as quick as he could, the poor driver quickly (and haphazardly) covered the carcass with a tarp.
• The instructions given by the taxidermist stated that the business was run out of his home. A “box” was located in the back of the Santa Monica home, (adjacent to an alley) where the animal can be left along with payment. Apparently, the taxidermist was not coming home until early in the evening.
• The 2000 lbs Brahma Bull was deposited at the address; near a small mailbox sized container which he (the driver) quickly placed the payment check. After finishing, the driver made vapor trails moments after closing the box’s lid.   

 

I heard the rest of the story two ways: One was from the messages left on the business line from the stunned taxidermist who screamed at us to move the carcass immediately. Also, something about him shouting, “I though you said BIRD not BULL!” Apparently, he usually works with birds.

The other side of the story was from a series of police reports with unsubstantiated complaints.

According to those reports; a masked Latino driving a flatbed truck was seen careening at over 90 miles per hour down the 405 (San Diego) freeway. Supposedly, a bloated animal laying dead on the flatbed could clearly be seen by drivers as whatever was covering it was torn off (most likely due to the high speed driving). The carcass was sliding side to side as it was not fully secured to the bed. “Things” were comming off (or out of) the carcass.

It was said that the driver could be seen crossing himself repeatedly as he drove.

I never knew HOW the Brahma Bull was removed… but it was. Nor do I know the fate of the carcass as several days passed since its death making preservation of any sort difficult at best.

We never speak of it.

Some of the family sees very little humor in the event (while others have a hard time with gravity when laughing too hard while telling the tale). If you have a hard time believing this tale, go to the SE corner of Tuxford and Telfair (where the wrecking yard is) in Sun Valley and ask a few of the staff about the fate of the bulls that used to be at that wrecking yard. I think there are a few paintings dedicated to it.

This is one of those things best left un-said at my family dinners.    

 

 

 

 

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